Diary of a Suburban Squeen

Gacked from megaleena:

Five names you go by:
Laura
Liss
Squeenie
Flossie
Puffin

Three things you are wearing right now:
Red shoes
Green cardigan
Black underwear

Two things you want very badly at the moment:
The weekend
HR to sort themselves the fuck out

Two people you last talked to on the phone:
Random patient called Allan
Random orthopaedic surgeon called Harry

Two things you did last night:
Turned out my desk
Read epic amounts of Gwen/Arthur fic

Two things you ate today:
Oat cakes
Taramasalata

Two things you are going to do tomorrow:
Go to Clapham to watch Katie buy a hilarious vampire cape
Take the rubbish from my desk out to the bins Katie already did it. ♥

Two longest car rides:
Sheffield to Florence
London to the Charente

Two of your favorite beverages:
Yellow smoothie
Pink milk

The people you’d like to respond:
Why would I be interested in other people?

Voice post meme! Which tragically sounds crap, either due to me or the phone, I am not sure...

1) What's your name?
2) How old are you?
3) Where are you from? Are you living there right now?
4) Is it cold where you are?
5) What's the time?
6) What are you wearing?
7) What was the last thing you listened to?
8) What was the last thing you ate?
9) What was the last thing you watched on tv?
10) What's your favorite tv show? Why?
11) Quick! Find a book, or something with text on it! Flip to a random page and read some of it! GO!
12) What was the last movie you saw? How was it?
13) Do YOU think you have an accent? Talk about that.



2
3
4

So, in light of this meme, let's hear it for me talking about things I don't usually talk about.

It was a short list.

1. Lightbulbs (kathrynw)

I do, in fact, have an opinion on lightbulbs. I am all for energy-saving lightbulbs. Energy saving is a good thing. It helps save the planet (I know, I know: what, at this juncture, does that expression even mean any more? Well, actually, in this instance, they use far less electricity to run, which means less energy has to be produced which means burning fewer fossil fuels (a) which are not a renewable source and therefore likely to run out at some stage and (b) the burning of which produces by-products that have a detrimental effect on the environment - I assume everyone knows that; I don't even know why I even bothered to type it out) and also save us money on our electricity bill. Woo. Everyone wins. However, sadly, energy lightbulbs also suck. They take forever to turn on properly and they aren't as bright even then. Also, the design is ugly. I love the old standard lightbulbs - there's something so iconic about them. I have a standard lightbulb in the lamp on my bedside table, mostly because I'm not sure energy ones would fit with the lampshade without making it look like the lampshade was giving birth to plastic intestines.

2. The Future (megaleena)

The future. Oh, the future. That's a pretty wide remit to ask someone to LJ about, Mog. In terms of the general future, mostly I think it's going to pobble along much as it has already. Maybe in a few years there'll be another massive leap forward in technology and we'll have flying cars, but to be completely frank with you, I don't think Britain's transport structure is up to the challenge (Britain: the country that didn't bother rebuilding and expanding on its Roman roads until the eighteenth century), so I don't really see that happening. Ditto also living on Mars; living in underwater towns; shuttle services to the moon for £37.99 (+ booking fees) with easyShuttle; Vulcans deciding we're technologically advanced enough to contact; Vogons deciding to destroy the planet to build a new hyperspace bypass; world peace. I do worry that this country is becoming increasingly authoritarian (though welcome the news that ID cards are off the agenda for the time being), but mostly I trust that the political pendulum will swing back the other way.

Alternatively, of course, we will have an actual apocalypse (likely causes: massive climate change [cf The Day After Tomorrow]; alien invasion (OK, that's less likely); massive collapse of financial systems; meteorite hitting the earth and Bruce Willis not being available to DRILL INTO ITS CORE to save us; zombies), in which I will soon die due to frequently mentioned inability to fight to the death for scattered remnants of Waitrose inventory.

For my own personal future: who knows? As Anne said, the future is a bend in the road up ahead. Maybe Captain Kirk will come through a time vortex, fall in love with me, and give me an alien STD. Maybe not. Maybe Chris will win the lottery and Katie and I will have a bookshop-cum-tearoom. Maybe I will die tragically young and everyone will weep at my funeral. Maybe I will stumble across the path of a stockbroker or doctor or Waterstones employee or IT advisor or something and get married and have generally neglected children. Maybe I will just chug along as I do now and have my little jobs and Katie and I will indeed end up as old women with scanty pensions and ceramic cats. Who knows? Or dares to dream? /Percy voice.

3. The Great Cooking Challenge 2009 (katherinea)

Shut up, Katherine! Actually, I've done a recipe or two that I haven't LJed about, but I can't remember them now! Maybe I will try again through the Autumn...

4. Are there really things I don't LJ about? (ungratefulwench)

Actually, I don't think this counts as a topic under the meaning of the act but I DON'T CARE; I will treat it as such. No, there aren't really things I don't LJ about. Basically, as everyone has doubtless noticed by now, I like the sound of my own voice (or the look of my own words - whatevs). I have lots of thoughts and they are, naturally, all AWESOME, and I like to share them, whether they're on religion or politics or books or TV or my hair or Jim Kirk and his tiny broken psyche or Spock and his emo life now that I've left him. Actually, you know what I don't LJ about? Other people. I should probably stop being so self-centred, but what is the diary concept about if not being self-centred? Answers on a postcard...

So, I know lots of people have friended me recently for fic (hello!) and I thought, hmm, should I do some sort of vague introductory post as Katie did recently, but then I thought FFS don't do that nobody cares because it's for fic, but then I thought, but I love talking about myself, why would I deprive myself of the joy? Because NOBODY CARES, I thought. Then I thought (further), well, I could compromise, and write an introductory post about me and PUT IT BEHIND A CUT. Huh, I thought, very cunning. Thanks, I thought.

Then it turned into a pome. About me. And I can't possibly, possibly, under any circumstances, lj-cut a pome about me.

A POME ABOUT ME
or, You Can Tell It Will Be Awesome

Life began, I here narrate(y)
In nineteen hun-der-rud and eighty
When doctors from around did come
To see the baby's coal black bum
You see, it's true, I'm quite contrary
I'd come out backwards (very scary)
I had red hair and eyes of blue
Which turned to green as these things do
The place so blessed with this glad tiding
Was Leeds, in Yorkshire's great West Riding
I stayed there but a year, I'm told
To Birkenhead we went (vee cold)
At which point my story saddens
As a boy-child my parents gladdened
It's true, worse luck, they'd procreated
From '82 was my nemesis dated
(His name is Chris, he drove me mad
Though I now admit he's not that bad)
From north to east (oh Essex lair)
And thence to that Manx island fair
Then on to Tunbridge Wells in Kent
And off to boarding school I went
Next up was Yorkshire (South this time)
And lastly Derbyshire (no rhyme)
My parents yet abode there now
(Step up, darlings, take a bow)

Enough of them, now back to me
I'm off to university
I went to Oxford (truly, really)
But soon got sad and very dreary
I had a thing and went all weirdy
But not - be glad - remotely beardy
I came to London (happy day)
And started honest work for pay
And that's the truth, s'welp me Lord
I hope you haven't all been bored*


*Ha ha, I lie, I know I'm awesome
Shit, nothing rhymes with that but foursome
Fuck, I'm cornered, what to do?
I really wish I had a clue
Change the subject, there's a plan
I just cooked mushrooms in a pan!
Ha! They'll never I see I faltered
My poem has been barely altered
Oh God, I'm brilliant, it's so true
Shut up! It scans! I hate you too
Fine, piss off, I'm going now
Bye.




No, wait, there's more, it's scarce begun
Come back, it's pretty rude to shun
I like books and comics (not too freaky)
I like hot soup that's very leeky
Joss Whedon's God, I don't deny
Fuck you FOX, I loved Firefly
The West Wing, too, was not all shit
Blackadder, also, full of wit
Star Trek, Stargate, Atlantis too
Plus Buffy, Bones and Doctor Who
Fine, that's enough, I'm getting bored
I HAVE NO GOD, LIFE'S GRAND, VOTE GORD*


* I really wouldn't that believe
I HAVE NO GOD, LIFE'S GRAND, NOW LEAVE

I'm sure people are always saying how like a robot I am...

You Are An INTP

The Thinker You are analytical and logical - and on a quest to learn everything you can. Smart and complex, you always love a new intellectual challenge. Your biggest pet peeve is people who slow you down with trivial chit chat. A quiet maverick, you tend to ignore rules and authority whenever you feel like it. In love, you are an easy person to fall for. But you're not an easy person to stay in love with. Although you are quite flexible, you often come off as aloof or argumentative. At work, you are both a logical and creative thinker. You are great at solving problems. You would make an excellent mathematician, programmer, or professor. How you see yourself: Creative, fair, and tough-minded When other people don't get you, they see you as: arrogant, cold, and robotic

Katie and I were on the bus on the way home from seeing Tropic Thunder (vee amusing). Katie took out her book to read. I glanced over. Then I had this thought. For real.

Hmm, I read vol 1 of Walking Dead, and quite enjoyed it, but frankly it just doesn't match up to watching my hair in the bus window.

I fear all hope for me may have passed.

Let us sit upon the floor and tell sad stories.

Today's topics of conversation will range from, um, me, to the essential subjectivity of the universe. Good times.

So, me. Got up. Got lost in a YouTube spiral FOR SIX HOURS which I'm still struggling to comprehend. DLed various bits. Had a bath. Got dressed. Went to Waitrose. Never say I don't know how to live it up (as the kids say).

Last night, acting as the bread to the tuna mayonnaise that was catch-up Mock the Week, we watched Terminator 2, which is, of course, a fine, fine film, though tbh I was laughing by the end due to some slightly dodgy acting and the total FAIL! at logic. Whatevs. Still love it. And I remember how disappointed I was by Terminator 3, not only because it was such a shite film, but because it turned out the future was all preordained after all, which made me cross BECAUSE IT'S NOT, DAMMIT!!

( Supernatural. Oh, Supernatural! )

Actually, I'm a bit annoyed because I've had various things to LJ about over the last day or two and, as usual, they have mostly fallen out of my head, so I'm a little bit bitter. O Mnemosyne, come to me! But only if you are in fact the Muse who faffs around with remembering things and not someone I've invented with the POWER OF MY MIND, otherwise don't bother. Now, see, I could go and look that up on Wikipedia, except for that part where I can't because the internet hates us. Stupid wireless router stopped working a while ago, so we're having to hook ourselves up with cables, which is beyond annoying (but not as far out as Thunderdome <-- heh, did you see what I did there? God, I've been on fire this week...). Anyway, BT line blah blah blah nothing fucking works blah blah blah. Am writing this in Notepad and will post later. Ooh, time lag. Who knows, the world may have ended before I ever manage to do that, and I will be the only person to ever read this. Freaky. Or, fine, OK, not so much.

Been reading Transmetropolitan over the last week or two. It is so amazingly ace it may have surpassed Fables as my favourite comic. Have other people read it?

I ran my bath too hot and I'm afraid I might actually have burnt off my shins. Also, when I stuck my leg in and it was hot and I took it out again, there was a big red patch on the side of my knee. "Hélas!" I said (in my head, because I was alone, and I'm not the kind of weirdy freak who talks to herself or anything), "I think some of my skin might actually HAVE SCALDED OFF!" and I was a little disconcerted at the possibility, envisaging a dreadful process of skin grafts and therapy and appearances in channel 5 documentaries in my future. Fortunately, you will be glad to hear, on closer examination it turned out to be the smudged remains of the first class stamp with which Emma had assaulted me yesterday and not OMG NO SKIN ON MY KNEE. So that was good.

The universe, eh? Actually, you know what, I was going to have a bit of thing about the fact that there is nothing that can be known except through a person's head and therefore everything is subjective and there can be no objective view and blah blah blah but I've got this far into the post and lost interest. Note to self: write about this kind of stuff first instead of procrastinating.



Ooh, looking over my old blog, and thought I would share this gem (I think it came off a Not the Nine O'clock News annual or something):

( The Gospel According to St Sylvester )

Gather round, chaps, for today is an important day in my little fandom life. I have finally (and believe me, the sweat and angst this task provoked was beyond measure) created a master list of all my fic on the internet ever, even the really, really shit stuff I wrote when I was 18.

The Masterlist of Fictional Genius

I have calcium fear. Although my cheese intake is only moderate, I drink vast quantities of milk. Maybe one day I too, like Tommy, will end up with a giant cheese head.

You think it's impossible, but is it really impossible?

♥ I have been a-shopping and purchased the following: one pair of jeans with red insides (cool) and red twiddly bits on the pockets (damned annoying); one green t-shirt (yep, like I'm going to have a shortage of those any time soon); one black and white striped belt; No 7 foundation; lip gloss. The jeans are very nice, albeit very long (inevitably).

♥ This led me to some contemplation of my figure, which I rarely do, because tbh I can't bring myself to care that much. Obviously I'd like to be slimmer, but I don't want it enough to, say, actually do anything about it. But I still get rather shamed, sometimes, which is quite stupid really, because who the fuck cares? But yes, I was inspecting the new jeans/t-shirt combo in the mirror, and feeling rather pleased that overall the outfit tended to work well with my one, if not positive, then least negative part, viz proportionally speaking not being over-endowed on the hip front. And then I felt like I didn't have the right particularly to find this pleasing, given that I am vastly overweight everywhere else. Ee, it's a tricky business this. Brains in jars. We'd all be much happier, is all I'm saying here...

♥ Need to make dinner. Pah. Means wrestling with the microwave to defrost mince. I hate defrosting stuff in the microwave. I FEAR the microwave. *looks around cautiously* Pretend //

// That is as far into this post as the autodraft thing saved. My entire post, including the part where I congratulated Marjorie on having downloaded, to date, 96% of season 3 of NCIS, was eaten. Pah.//