Lines you won't see in the Bible: "Anyway, I'm rambling on..."

[chaletian]

Something interesting happened today. Well, interesting is probably stretching it a little.

Yesterday, I made about a million hip cards for patients. This involves cutting things up, sellotaping them, laminating them, and cutting around the finished product. My Blue Peter instincts were out in full force. So, I made these cards. And they turned out more or less OK. And I showed them to Claudia and Priscilla. And they both waxed lyrical about how well I’d done them. They got quite enthused about it.

Thing is, I didn’t think they were *that* good. I look at them, and all I can see is the slightly wonky lines that *should* be straight, and inconsistencies in the depth of the borders, and where I went round the corner in a way that isn’t a perfect quarter-circle.

I don’t think I’m a perfectionist, particularly. Cuz, you know, lazy and quite crap. This is, sadly, no secret. But it makes me think of my fundamental problem with life. Which is this:

I’m good at most things; good enough to know that I’m not good enough at any of them.

And OK, that’s not exactly the worst problem to have in the world. But it’s a bit crap, nonetheless, because I know that nothing I do is as good as lots of people could do. (And yes, my grammar is talking a bit of a swan dive here.) I’m gifted academically, but not particularly brilliant at any given subject. I play the flute reasonably well, but on an objective scale I’m rubbish; I can cook and bake well but not *really* well… there’s just a constant list of things that I’m not *really* good at. And it sounds *so* much like I love myself if I talk about it, because yes, I can do lots of things better than lots of people, but I don’t really care, because I know that I’m never going to be the best at anything. Is this making *any* sense at all? Probably not. I probably sound like a complete tit. As per. Oh, arse.

(NB – Have tagged this as slight mental instability just because it fits best there, not because I’m *overly* woeful about this – it is, after all, nothing new.)

Comments

[helenprev.livejournal.com]

Eek.

I think that possibly makes far too MUCH sense. Which means that I am exactly the same. I had someone the other day raving about my knitting and how neat it is. And all I could say was 'no, look at these bits here, and here.' And I was thinking about the other people I know whose knitting is truly expert, and I felt rubbish compared to them, while feeling superior to the person who was in awe of my knitting.

And I am not overly woeful about it either - it is just the way it is. Interesting to think about it though...

[ungratefulwench.livejournal.com]

Alas, I've been having quite similar thoughts myself lately.

Although, my thoughts haven't been brought on by Blue Peter-like activities, which I think means I'm missing out *sigh*

[chaletian.livejournal.com]

Blue Peter activities make the world a better place...

[xanantha.livejournal.com]

It's all about perspective though, isn't it. Stand in the real world Squeeniepants & you are gifted. Stand under the Oxbridge spires & you are a bit standard & possibly on the sub-side.

Stand next to me & (although you might look a bit short) we will laugh, poke fun at the world & maybe try not to care what the world is thinking about us... And ignore what we are thinking about ourselves.

[b-liz.livejournal.com]

She speaks wisely

[chaletian.livejournal.com]

Short, perhaps, but grand and awe-inspiring at the same time...

[xanantha.livejournal.com]

Absolutely. You so need a squeen robe. It could only help, right?

[mrsrev.livejournal.com]

Yep, makes a lot of sense. I think one of the reasons I was completely and utterly unable to choose A level subjects, go to university or pursue a career was that I knew I could do most things well but wasn't outstanding enough at any one thing to do that to the exclusion of everything else. If I'd been genius at, say, science, and useless at everything else, I would probably have become a scientist. But I'm 44 and still doing admin until I work out what I would really really like to do...

[katie__pillar.livejournal.com]

Unfulfilled perfectionism strikes again (Or not particularly, but it's that sort of thing). It's our middle class-ness. Against the average person, we're actually pretty damn good at lots of stuff, but we feel we should be better because other people are. I agree with Xanthe on this.

[chaletian.livejournal.com]

Thinking: the curse of the middle classes!

[mrs-redboots.livejournal.com]

Makes total sense to me! I do a lot of things reasonably well, but almost nothing exceptionally well. And I, too, am a perfectionist and always want to point out the bad bits in things I have made....

Try ice-skating - that puts everything into perspective! (Okay, so I'm feeling a touch jaded today, having just failed a skating test, but still!). It's one of the few things I do that I don't mind being pants at!

[pim2005.livejournal.com]

*agreeing avec Katie and Xanthe*

I've decided perfectionism is overrated and I shall carry on being middling because it is safe. And people are then always pleasantly surprised when I do do things well. Meh.

[dozydormouse.livejournal.com]

I’m good at most things; good enough to know that I’m not good enough at any of them.

That sounds scarily familiar I think I am doomed to be competent but never brilliant or excellent and I know this thus always feel slightly inferior and a bit of a fraud.