One Book Sam Never Read, 1/1

[chaletian]

Title: One Book Sam Never Read
Author: chaletian
Characters/Pairing: Dean, Sam
Rating: PG
Summary: AU post AHBL. Dean finds an unexpected way to remember Sam. (Character death.) Spoiler-free.


Dean looks at the results of his shopping spree, spread out on the motel table, and wonders exactly what he was thinking. Because on second thoughts, this was all kinds of stupid. It was a waste of money, would be a waste of time, certainly wouldn’t achieve anything. He scrubbed his hand across tired stubble, then sat down abruptly, crossed his arms, and attempted to stare out his purchases. Hesitantly, he reached out, dragged a finger along the colourful card, memory stirring. He remembered those first ones, beaten and battered library books stuffed in Sam’s backpack. Remembered teasing Sam about them, remembered once stealing one off him and reading out sections, putting on stupid voices. Remembered Sammy’s flushed face, and defensive rebuttals. Then Sam had gotten older, gone off to Stanford, left.

Now he was gone altogether. Dean had failed. Sam Winchester’s ashes seasoned the soil of South Dakota, and there was nothing anyone could do about it. Dean squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out the constant re-wind of that night, a rickety projector that ran 24/7 in the back of his head. His hand slid off the books, as waves of grief once again threatened to overwhelm him. There was work to be done. There were demons to kill. There was a freaking apocalypse coming.

And yet, right now, none of that was more important than this. The note on Sam’s Outlook calendar had been puzzling Dean, a frustrating indication that Dean did not know his brother as well as he had thought. But then he had been driving through Porterville, Nevada, and he had seen the signs, and suddenly it had clicked, and he had joined the queue outside the bookshop.

Opening his eyes again, Dean looked at the books, remembered how much Sam had loved them – had still loved them, if that note on his diary was anything to go by. The last book, hardback where the others were paperback, was new, brand new, and Sam would never read it. Sam would never know what had happened. And like everything else Sam would never do, it seemed unbearably unfair. So Dean would do what his brother could no longer do. He’d start from the beginning, because there was no point reading that one book and not knowing, not understanding what was happening, not properly. And he had to do this properly.

So Dean opened the first book, and began to read.

Mr and Mrs Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. They were the last people you'd expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious, because they just didn't hold with such nonsense.

Comments

[nerthus.livejournal.com]

Oh, this just destroyed me, sigh...so, so sad, the notion of life and books and so on just going on but Sam isn't there now to KNOW, to enjoy things or see them through to the end. I felt that way when my grandmother died; she said she knew it sounded trite but she wanted to live long enough to see the series finale of a particular show she loved. But she passed away from her illness a few weeks before that finale aired, and when it came on I watched it FOR her in a sort of symbolic way (even though I didn't really like that show), and I bawled all through it cause I wanted Granny there watching it with me, sigh.

[geeky-ginger.livejournal.com]

OH! MAN!!!!! I didn't think that would be the reveal! Dammit! You made me cry thinking about Dean doing that for Sam! Gah...such a sad concept...but a very realistic one.

Yep...going into my favorites!

[balooky.livejournal.com]

If that doesn't make K cry she has no heart! *is a bit broke now*

[katie__pillar.livejournal.com]

I obviously have no heart. I'm sorry.

Although she did tell me what the books were long before I read the fic.

[apieceofcake.livejournal.com]

Aww..so sad .

[faye-dartmouth.livejournal.com]

This sort of breaks my heart, as most things do that involve one of the boys dying--but I love how you did this. I love how Dean struggles over not knowing his brother as well as he would have liked or thought, about how he'd do something utterly impractical because he misses Sam.

And Sam and his books is just a lovely image.

oh.

[re-bar.livejournal.com]

i actually just finished reading the last harry potter book myself. you know, i've been wondering what sam was thinking during his last moments, and now i know: dear god, please give me just a couple more months...i haven't read the deathly hallows yet!

it's what i would have been thinking, anyway.

[shadowc44.livejournal.com]

Ooh, lovely! Unbearably sad, but lovely.

[ellipsisblack.livejournal.com]

Just to let you know, this has been recced to crack_impala, here (http://community.livejournal.com/crack_impala/41306.html). Hope that's okay! :)

[lynzibell.livejournal.com]

Oh this is incredibly sad!!! I can't believe Dean bought and reads all the books so that he can read book 7 for Sam. Oh Dean!! Thanks for writing this! It really hit home to this HP fan! I can imagine hat Sam grew up with it as much as the rest of us!

[feendish.livejournal.com]

*wibbles* I just finished HP7, and now I'm even sadder.

But this was damn good. I could imagine Dean doing that, taking the time to understand his brother.

[grlkat2.livejournal.com]

The second I read the beginning of the novel, I just went 'Oh crap, oh my gosh.'

And that's all I can think of right now because my eyes are watering and yet I don't want to cry about this. And now I'm scrambling and locating my own copy of the final novel with my eyes just because. This was so beautiful and so perfectly succinct that I ... I just love this. So I'll stop rambling and gaping like a fish trying to write something more than this nonsense.

Obviously excellent-amazing-very-good-wow-tear..