"I'm going to cut his heart out with a spoon..."

I composed a post about my weekend at two o'clock this morning. Would Marjorie connect? Would she fuck! Our internet is being very troublesome indeed, so much so that later today, as a special treat, I will be ringing Virgin whatsit to arrange for someone to come out and replace our modem. Hopefully I will post my composition tonight, Marjorie and/or Belkin willing. Beware. There will be capslock!squeen at the end of it...

Am very tired, on account of not going to sleep till about half past three. I need to stop having a little sleepy in the evening when I'm tired; it completely buggers up my sleep patterns.

Je n'ai pas de dents, et beaucoup de l'encre...

Mon dieu, comme j’étais ennuyée ce matin! I had to sit on reception and had absolutely nothing to do, and no internet access. I entertained myself by doodling, conjugating Latin verbs, testing my French vocab, and stamping myself with the First Class stamp. Downside: it was very, very inky, and now I have red smeared all over me. Upside: should I accidentally fall into a post box, I will swiftly reach my destination.

I bought some more blueberries for lunch in Tesco. On a similar note, I must report that my poo remains poo-coloured, and not blue. A tremendous disappointment, and one that is not easily overcome. Where did you go, blue poo? Why do you spurn me thus?

In other news, I have been reading for the past week or so Just Law by Helena Kennedy, which is about our legal system and the way it has, in many cases, been co-opted to an increasingly authoritarian political regime, and why this shouldn’t be allowed. It is an extremely interesting book, and I would highly recommend it.

Cometh the hour, cometh the Sainsbury’s man. We will have groceries tonight. A small cheer, sirrah!

It's my birthday in two days!! I am vee excited, as birthdays are intrinsically A Good Thing, to my way of thinking. I have already been taunted by many people with regards to presentage (vee unfair). Kathye rang me up this morning *expressly* to tell me that she had sorted out my present (and about time too, frankly!) AND to refuse to tell me what it was, or where she got it from (I thought I'd try a cunning back door route, and be all subtle, like, but apparently not subtle enough). Ma vie, c'est très dure. (Incidentally, I'm honestly not as mercenary as I make out, promise! I mean, it's nice to get presents from one's friends, but it's not the main thing, and though I am always very "Rah! Presents! Now!", I really don't mean it.)

On the birthday front, I have no plans for shindigging at present, because am hopelessly disorganised - or, not so much, but the Frolick took up all my organisational powers for the year, practically, so I can't really think of anything. May suggest a potential weekend for larkery once we are back from la belle France.

The Lovesong of Liss & Blue Poo

Blue poo
Where did you go?
Blue poo
Why do you hate me?

Blue poo
For though I know
Blue poo
That you are crazy

Blue poo
I love you so
Blue poo
We could be happy

A Stanza or Seven on the Evils of Office Life

Here is a pome, composed by me on 23 August 2005.


I sat in my office, my eyes on the door
And lazily dangled my feet o’er the floor
The typing was finished, no work left had I
But the evils of boredom poked me in the eye

How could I pass the long hours till five
When hospitals frown on those who jazz and jive?
Books were verboten, the TV forbid
Play games and the manager would blow his lid

With cries of relief I turned to the ‘puter
And hoped that my boredom would become much minuter
But alas, ‘lack and woe, our dear LJ was spurned
Into adult content all our posts had been turned!

A tragedy! Infamy! Calumny! Worse –
A blot so decisive, ‘twas almost a curse
I resorted to picking up paper and pen
And scribbling these verses, but o! what then?

I telephoned home and found X, R and K
Were all merrily larking and leaping at play
The Tweenies in Welsh? Would such fineness ever
Be heard echoing through these cold corridors clever?

I fear I must answer that question a negative
Less fortunate people there never did live
All stuck in their cubicles, typing away
And longing that someday they might come to play.

It isn’t yet two, and hours till five I must bridge
As I wait vainly for some work to enter my pidge
But then, ah the fun, all the japes, joys and laughs
As off we all wander to taste the Giraffe!

Verses in Protest of Malfunctioning LJ Notifications

LJ notification
Leads our communication
On our specification
Seems there's a dislocation

Oh, dear, an abdication
No more for publication
Is there intoxication
Behind this revocation?

LJ notification
Favoured application
For our education
It needs modification!