chaletian: (spaced)
[personal profile] chaletian
Title: The Phantom Menace Was 200 Years Ago
Author: [livejournal.com profile] chaletian
Fandom: Star Trek/Spaced
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: None
Summary: Captain Jim Kirk meets Crewman Daisy Steiner.



“…and then I was very into Stellar Cartography, because I just think there’s something very beautiful about the stars and how we perceive and track them and…” the woman makes a sweeping, albeit vague, gesture with her arm “… all that, so I did a class – well, I meant to do a class, I mean, I had the prospectus for it but then Tim – he’s a mate of mine – got me into learning Klingon, which is such a great language, really guttural, you know? Brilliant. Anyway, so then I thought about being a communications officer, and moving from planet to planet, meeting new people and learning new languages and being the one to communicate, you know, really opening the galaxy up and leading to peaceful negotiations and better understanding of ourselves and other races, but, well, I don’t really think Klingon was for me. It’s very limiting, I think. I mean, I didn’t get to know it that well. I wouldn’t call myself fluent. But I need a very full language to express myself properly, and I don’t really think Klingon was doing that for me. And so then my landlady…”

Jim Kirk cleared his throat. “Um – the report?”

The crewman stared at him, then down at the padd in her hand. “Right! The report! Here you go.”

He scribbled his signature, and handed it back. “Where’s Yeoman Rand, again?”

The woman shrugged. “Dunno. Um, didn’t you want to check it?”

Kirk shrugged. “I’m sure it’s fine.”

The woman laughed heartily. “Absolutely! Absolutely and definitely fine! I always came top of the class for transcription. Well, not actually top top, but I did fairly well. Reasonably well. I mean…”

“Sorry – who are you again?”

The woman smiled and adjusted her uniform, which was sort of sagging, and pushed back her hair. “Crewman Daisy Steiner,” she said, and saluted. Fairly badly.

Kirk smiled politely. “Thank you, Crewman Steiner,” he said.

oOo


Later, in the quarters shared by Crewmen Tim Bisley and Mike Watt, Daisy Steiner stared at herself in the mirror. “So,” she said, attempting to create the plaited beehive look of Janice Rand and failing miserably, “I’m pretty sure the Captain fancies me.”

“Oh yeah?” said Tim, eyes glued to the screen in front of him.

“Mmm. I mean, I could tell he was trying to be subtle about it, but a woman can always tell.”

“I can,” said Mike.

“Exactly,” said Daisy. “Tim, d’you think I should do anything about it?”

“Dunno,” said Tim, still staring at the screen. “Hey, I think I found Star Wars XXI: Legend of the Wookiee King on the ship’s server.”

“Yeah!” said Mike. “I like the Wookiee King.”

“Everyone likes the Wookiee King, Mike,” said Tim. “Daise, you up for it?”

“Is that the one with Rocky McBoning?”

“Yeah, and the original specs for R2D2 instead of the shambolic version from XIV.”

Daisy considered this, then abandoned the mirror. “Go on, then.”

They sat watching the film. Eventually Tim lifted his head three inches off the ground. “What, you reckon Kirk fancies you?”

“Yeah, definitely.”

“As if.”

“Fuck off, Tim. Just cuz you’re jealous.”

“I’m not jealous!”

“It’s all right to be jealous, Tim,” said Mike peaceably.

“Mrwwww AMRWWWOO!” said the Wookie King.

“Fucker,” said Tim, and they went back to watching the film.

THE END

Date: 2009-05-31 09:26 pm (UTC)
ext_117441: (Spaced Tim Argh Fuck Shit!)
From: [identity profile] ungratefulwench.livejournal.com
There are no words for how much I love this fic.

Date: 2009-05-31 09:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chaletian.livejournal.com
LOL Excellent!! There is not enough Spaced in the world...

Date: 2009-05-31 09:31 pm (UTC)
ext_117441: (Spaced Tim Argh Fuck Shit!)
From: [identity profile] ungratefulwench.livejournal.com
In this, as in many things, you are utterly correct.

(I only have one Spaced icon so I shall use it again - ahaha!)

Date: 2009-05-31 09:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chaletian.livejournal.com
I had to get one SPECIALLY to post this, and then I couldn't find any good ones, like [livejournal.com profile] katie__pillar's "This calls for research" - MASSIVE COCKS one... *sadface*

Date: 2009-05-31 09:59 pm (UTC)
ext_117441: (Shaun of the Dead Oh Shit!)
From: [identity profile] ungratefulwench.livejournal.com
Sometimes you're an utter disappointment to me. Tut, tut.

Date: 2009-06-01 11:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chaletian.livejournal.com
*HIDES HEAD IN SHAME BUT USES AWESOME ICON TO DO IT*

Date: 2009-05-31 09:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] darkangsty42.livejournal.com
UM, YES. ♥

Date: 2009-05-31 09:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chaletian.livejournal.com
*g* Thanks!

Date: 2009-05-31 10:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] culf.livejournal.com
I love you!
This was awesome. You write the Spaced characters so well!

Date: 2009-06-01 11:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chaletian.livejournal.com
Thank you! Good to hear - I'm always scared of writing stuff like Spaced. Glad it worked!

Date: 2009-05-31 11:02 pm (UTC)
shinealightonme: (st simon!scotty)
From: [personal profile] shinealightonme
Utter brilliance. Daisy's dialogue is so perfectly spot on that I can hear her voice in my head, and I just love the thought of them all, a few hundred years in the future...doing basically the same thing they always do. (I am a little wary of the thought of Brian being let anywhere near a Constitution class starship, though...)

Date: 2009-06-01 10:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bookwormsarah.livejournal.com
(I am a little wary of the thought of Brian being let anywhere near a Constitution class starship, though...)

Twist would want to give the klingons makeup tips, and Brian would have some wonderful momologues about space and emptiness and create meaningful artwork based around the blackness...

*needs a Spaced icon*

Date: 2009-06-01 11:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chaletian.livejournal.com
OMG I HAVE TO WRITE THAT NOW!!!

Date: 2009-06-01 11:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chaletian.livejournal.com
LOL I know! [livejournal.com profile] katie__pillar was all, ooh, what's Daisy going to be doing? to which the only possible answer is, well, doing something fairly menial and doing it pretty badly... Ah, Daisy...

I am now totally going to have to write another one with Brian in now. Dammit. >:-(

Date: 2009-05-31 11:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lady-lyca.livejournal.com
My soul, you have it.

Date: 2009-06-01 11:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chaletian.livejournal.com
*promises to look after it*

*g*

Date: 2009-05-31 11:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ivydoor.livejournal.com
Oh, wow. This was brilliant. XD

Date: 2009-06-01 11:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chaletian.livejournal.com
Thank you!!

Date: 2009-06-01 10:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bookwormsarah.livejournal.com
Utter, utter genius of magnificent proportions. You have the Spaced folk perfectly...

*rereads*

The world needs more Spacedfic

Date: 2009-06-01 11:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chaletian.livejournal.com
It so does. Where is all the Spaced!fic, world?

Date: 2009-06-01 11:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gragerty.livejournal.com
I LOVE THIS!

That's all ;).

Date: 2009-06-01 11:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chaletian.livejournal.com
Hee. Glad to hear it!

Date: 2009-06-01 11:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seren-ccd.livejournal.com
You totally win the interwebz! All yours! This was fantastic!

Date: 2009-06-01 02:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] soixante-quinze.livejournal.com
This is GOLD. There is not enough win in the world for this. Way to capture Daisy's voice, dude.

Date: 2009-06-01 06:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vinniebatman.livejournal.com
*LOL*

God, amazing. You have Daisy's voice down pat, I love this!

~Alice~

Date: 2009-06-01 07:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] flinkkamingo3.livejournal.com
This is PERFECT!

Date: 2009-06-02 01:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] smithereen.livejournal.com
This is so fantastic and genius and hilarious and perfectly Daisy and I LOVE YOU.

Date: 2009-06-02 10:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] diapadme.livejournal.com
Haha, this is the most awesome thing I have read in weeks. I think I kept on giggling throughout the whole thing ♥

Date: 2009-06-03 01:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fleshuncovered.livejournal.com
I want to take this fic out back and have its babies. Gah there is not enough of Spaced Fic in this world.
Edited Date: 2009-06-03 01:13 am (UTC)

Date: 2009-06-04 07:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] madeelly.livejournal.com
This was amazing and wonderful in so many different ways I can't even begin to express. Everything was so in character and just plain AWESOME. <3

*breaks out Spaced DVDs for an epic rewatch*

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